"Ixnay on the Ielay" translation "Nix the Lie"

Pig Latin to English translation

"Nix the Lie"

I recently read an article accusing employers of lying to potential employees to lure them in and how to avoid the same thing happening to you.

A LIE: Is a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentionaluntruth; a falsehood... WOW! Thems fightin words...

WARNING: If you're making tacos, frying chicken and/or flipping hamburgers (I'm not knocking it) at a minimum wage job, things WILL probably be different; so the following tidbit may not apply.

COME ON PEOPLE!

Don't you know that once you reach a certain professional level in your career you should request a contract, a written agreement and/or outline describing your responsibilities, their expectations and what compensation you will receive? And, if you don't...

SHAME ON YOU...

As an Employee I have ONE question to ask a potential employer!

Will you put your offer in writing?

That's it...

First, as a potential employee, I would never expect to receive compensation based on someone elses performance. That would be selling myself way too short.

Second, I know that one size does not fit all..."Everyone brings a different value to an organization."

Jane may have received a promotion and bonus for completing the project/task with minimal assistance and used little-to-no company funds. Why should I as an employer guarantee the same thing to Bill during an interview? Bill may NOT be as creative as Jane. Let's say, I tell Bill about Jane's success. Bill is going to hear, "This is what I'm promising you." Furthermore, if I don't give Bill the same thing I gave Jane even though he didn't perform to Jane's level. Then, I'm a liar for merely sharing a story of one employees accomplishments.

"Ixnay on the Ielay"

If history has taught me anything it's to always protect myself, either as the employee or as an employer.

As an employee I have a contract. As an employer, I can't tell you how many potential candidates have promised the sun, moon and stars if I hire them, with most falling short of their claims. Yet they still expect a promotion, bonus or raise????

STORY TIME: Once, I had an employee that I had to move to four different departments (we only have five). She wasn't comprehending anything, therefore she had a less than marginal performance. When I couldn't place her in any other area I finally had discharge her and she was FLOORED. Her perception was that she excelled in every area and I almost fell out of my chair when she told me that.

BOTTOM LINE: If you're an executive and the company or employer your interviewing with/for is not willing to put their offer, benefits and package in writing to you, that' your flashing sign to "MOVE ALONG."

Come back WILSON! Come back.

Do you remember Tom Hanks in Cast Away (I love that movie)? I watched in awe as a man’s life was altered, how he changed and adapted to his new environment; as he developed a relationship with a soccer ball. He even named it "Wilson." I think it allowed him to identify the ball as more than just an object, Wilson was his friend, his only friend. When he lost Wilson while attempting to save himself yet again, he was clearly devastated and you could actually see him contemplating risking his own life to save the only relationship he had in years. Then he was rescued, he was back home, back on land and back to his old routine or so he thought. Things changed dramatically and try as he may he had a difficult time adapting to the new-new change. He’d slept on the hard island sand for years and one would think he would want to fall into the nice comfortable bed in his hotel. But, no! He chose the floor. I could never really understand that decision or the feeling he had for Wilson and his need/desire to keep things the same, but now I do.

I think of customer service today as “Wilson.” An inanimate object we used to get and rely on, we expect it to be there and then are forced to watch as it slowly floats away. All that's left is the memory of Wilson of customer service and what used to be.

Change is GREAT, I love it, I embrace it and I feel it’s necessary. But whose betterment are we changing for? Is it for the customer’s best interest? Or is it for the company’s best interest?

In the spirit of Cast Away, have you tried to send a package lately? That important document that absolutely, positively has to get there overnight? I tried online in the comfort of my own office for 3 days. Similar to Tom Hank's attempts to create a spark with two rocks, he kept trying; he had seen it work before, he was hopeful it would work again and so he continued to try. So I kept trying, trying for that spark. Come ’on I've done it before, and all my frequent contacts information is already in the system, so is my credit card information. But it never even flickered. I called (which is not an easy task to speak directly to someone these days) and found out I have to become a member and create a whole new account. What wrong with my old account I asked? Nothing, was the reply, other than you cannot create a shipment with it? You're telling me I have to create a new account and re-enter 5 years of contact information to send a package? YES, he responded. What's wrong with my old account, the one I've always used? Why are they letting Wilson wander away?

Much like Tom I find myself having to change to adapt to their change. For him as if living on a desolate island, befriending a ball, knocking out his own tooth and eating shellfish for years wasn't enough; once he was finally rescued they threw a party in his honor serving him shrimp and crab legs and his fiance was married to a dentist??????

For me, as if charging triple to come to my office to pick-up my important package, losing my conveniently located drop boxes and making me get out of my car go into their location hoping I purchase a pen, wasn't enough. Now I have to have a NEW ACCOUNT, start all over, become a member just to create a shipping label, to ship an item at triple the cost overnight and get out of my car to go into your store in the hopes I purchase a pen. STOP!!! Where is Wilson? I want Wilson!

Wait, it doesn't stop there. Remember, the ATM, the drive through "Automated Teller Machines?” You know which one’s I’m referring to, the ones that replaced human beings to save companies money. Now the drive through lane is being blocked off with cones, those machines are being removed in many areas for customers to use the ATM’s located on the building. Here we go again, I have to get out of my car, go to the automated teller machines and as I cover one hand over the other (obeying the giant sign cover your pin), I look at my surroundings and attempt to make a cash withdraw, I hope for the best. Wilson has totally sunk here.

What is the purpose of this madness? Are these companies in cohorts? Is this what the world is coming to? A world where we no longer have a choice between a comfortable bed and the island sand? Where we become lifeless matter and it’s chosen for us? I hope not. Come back Wilson, come back!